Wednesday, August 1, 2012

August 1st

Today my sweet Titus is 10 1/2 months old, the age Elyse was when she went to be with the Lord. I wasn't really sure what to expect from today. Cliff did a great job of expressing his (our) thoughts on it, but I am some times late to the game (I'm late to a lot of things;)). I don't always know how I'm going to feel until I'm here in the moment.

As I was putting Ty down for his nap this morning he was a little fussy (oh, by the way I took him to the doctor yesterday because he has had a cold for about 2 weeks and started coughing Monday night. He has a sinus infection, it hasn't been easy having him sick during this time). So after we read 'moo, bah, la, la, la' (one of our favorites) I decided to just rock him. I started singing to him, "Jesus love me this I know, for the Bible tells me so, little ones to Him belong they are weak but He is strong, yes Jesus loves me, yes Jesus loves me, yes Jesus loves me the Bible tells me so." As I sang those words to my sweet gift, who is 10 1/2 months old today I realized those words were from the Lord to me. Tears started falling from my eyes as I thought about the love that Jesus has for me. Isn't He so gracious to love me in my weakness? In His strength reach down and touch my heart, my mind, this very day that I have to trust Him a little extra with this life that is in my arms. As I told Titus how much I love him, I also told him that Jesus loves him even more.

Looking back on the last 2 1/2 years, I know so much more today than I did before about how much my Jesus loves me. I know it seems counterintuitive, but I know my God a little better than I did before. And while if I could choose I would have a sweet, sassy 3 1/2 year in my home right now.  I wasn't asked my opinion though. This is the path that has been laid out before me. And so I will choose to press in, to trust deeper, to love this boy that is 10 1/2 months old with all that I am. I will choose to love my God who is able to strengthen my heart and my mind in new ways each day. I will choose to be joyful that I got to know my daughter intimately in those short 10 1/2 months (+9 inside of me). And I will rejoice in that time and look forward to eternity with my God and my sweet girl.

Thanks for journeying with us. May you see Jesus through our smiles and tears. 
Thankful for these two sweet boys!
Wish there was a little girl in an orange dress next to them. :)

1 comment:

Alicha said...

precious thoughts April. You have been on my heart and mind these past few days as I know what an emotional time this is for you. I pray that God will continue to draw you near to Him during this time, and what a gift it is to treasure the gifts that you have been given. You know more than most how precious children are and what a gift they are, and I love seeing you be the amazing mom that God has created you to be. I love you friend, and although its been many years since we've seen each other regularly, you are a blessing to me and I thank God for your blessing on my life!