August 1st

Today my sweet Titus is 10 1/2 months old, the age Elyse was when she went to be with the Lord. I wasn't really sure what to expect from today. Cliff did a great job of expressing his (our) thoughts on it, but I am some times late to the game (I'm late to a lot of things;)). I don't always know how I'm going to feel until I'm here in the moment.

As I was putting Ty down for his nap this morning he was a little fussy (oh, by the way I took him to the doctor yesterday because he has had a cold for about 2 weeks and started coughing Monday night. He has a sinus infection, it hasn't been easy having him sick during this time). So after we read 'moo, bah, la, la, la' (one of our favorites) I decided to just rock him. I started singing to him, "Jesus love me this I know, for the Bible tells me so, little ones to Him belong they are weak but He is strong, yes Jesus loves me, yes Jesus loves me, yes Jesus loves me the Bible tells me so." As I sang those words to my sweet gift, who is 10 1/2 months old today I realized those words were from the Lord to me. Tears started falling from my eyes as I thought about the love that Jesus has for me. Isn't He so gracious to love me in my weakness? In His strength reach down and touch my heart, my mind, this very day that I have to trust Him a little extra with this life that is in my arms. As I told Titus how much I love him, I also told him that Jesus loves him even more.

Looking back on the last 2 1/2 years, I know so much more today than I did before about how much my Jesus loves me. I know it seems counterintuitive, but I know my God a little better than I did before. And while if I could choose I would have a sweet, sassy 3 1/2 year in my home right now.  I wasn't asked my opinion though. This is the path that has been laid out before me. And so I will choose to press in, to trust deeper, to love this boy that is 10 1/2 months old with all that I am. I will choose to love my God who is able to strengthen my heart and my mind in new ways each day. I will choose to be joyful that I got to know my daughter intimately in those short 10 1/2 months (+9 inside of me). And I will rejoice in that time and look forward to eternity with my God and my sweet girl.

Thanks for journeying with us. May you see Jesus through our smiles and tears. 

Thankful for these two sweet boys!

Wish there was a little girl in an orange dress next to them. :)

Elyse's 3rd Birthday w/Jesus

Today is Elyse's 3rd birthday. Many of you know and have already written, sent a text, called or celebrated with us. We miss this girl. I miss her everyday, multiple times a day. I'm thankful for today for so many reasons, 3 years ago today I heard three very exciting words. 'It's a girl'. That was so fun and a little surprising, I remember I kept staring at her name on her bassinet that day thinking 'I really have a little girl'. There was something so special about finding that out in that moment. A little girl. If I had known then that I would only get to hold her for 10 1/2 short months I'm not sure what I would have thought. I'm so glad we don't know the future. But, I wouldn't trade those 10 1/2 sweet months for anything. The tears, the pain, the heartache, the loss, the many, many rough days are all worth those short months of having her in our family. I'm a different person because of her life and her death. Life is more precious to me than it was just over two years ago. I look at Titus and I really treasure every moment with him both when he is happy and sad (which is not very often).

We celebrated Elyse's life on Sunday. We threw a party, it's the party I've never really gotten to throw and it was good. We had family and close friends. Our good friends and little friends that would have been her good friends. We were together, there were tears and laughter, good food and lots of pink and orange! I sure hope she likes those colors, cause her mama does. ;)

 The drinks & cups, a borrowed and enhanced idea from my friend Allyson, thanks friend!  Pink & orange mason jars with chalk lids to help you keep track of your own glass.

 The amazing dessert buffet from my very talented sis-in-law! Thank you Spoonful of Sugar!!

 

Tanner & Pete, sweet friends! 

Peter is such a great big brother and remembers and loves his sis so much.

 We released balloons at 1:06pm, the time she was born. It was just two days early this year. We always do balloons, but this year was fun with SO many!! There were 50 that went up to her and the kids were so sweet as they sent them 'up to heaven to see Elyse and Jesus'.

Here are a few lot of pictures from the party. Thank you for celebrating with us and for walking this journey of loss, hope, redemption and hopefully more than anything of looking to Jesus for our everything. He really is everything. I'm thankful I get to celebrate Elyse and then look forward to Easter and the cross and the empty tomb, because that brings new life and assurance of seeing my girl again.